by Laura M. Thieme
My parents died in 2022 and 2024. Since April 29, 2024, our lives have not been the same. When your parents die, it is natural to grieve, to learn things you did not know previously, and to realize that the lens you had towards everything in your family might not be quite right. Grief is natural. It is NOT a mental illness. My father died June 2, 2024. I began to go through a series of unexpected emotions and actions. I chose to sell our house for numerous reasons, including but not limited to, the need to sustain our family while not having FT income. On April 29, 2024, I lost my job one day after returning from seeing my dying father in Tallahassee, Florida. I had no idea I would come back the next day and get fired, but I did. Ironically, there is an elongated approach to getting a law firm, or getting restitution, or suing a company for wrongful dismissal, discrimination or not honoring the family leave act. I didn't even have time to process what had just happened. In a better situation, I would have met with the HR team and my manager and asked for 90 days leave. I would have received, perhaps 80% income during that time, with an agreement to check emails and check in with your team lead once every couple of days. That would have been sufficient to keep the team going in the right direction, most likely. But that isn't what happened.
My daughter and I had visited my father in Florida twice in April. On April 26-28, we visited him in Tallahassee. He had declined so rapidly between Summer of 2023 and when we visited him in the Spring of 2024, that I was overwhelmed with shock, grief and emotions I still have not processed or been able to understand. His legs had become emaciated in a way I h ad never seen before. I was worried about everything happening to him. I had become removed from the ability to determine what was happening to him, despite having legal documents to give him assistance and be a medical POA if my older brother was not able to do so. Massive regrets after parents die? Not being more proximate to their location, throughout the last 10 years, or perhaps even since my daughter was born. I can only suggest to you, reading this blog post, that you make plans ASAP to live near your children, your grandchildren, or your parents. Remember, your grandparents might have less income than you do, most likely are on a fixed salary due to social security and stock benefits, so consider moving towards them, instead of expecting they move closer to you and your children.
My dad passed out onto the floor. My daughter and I caught him in our arms, and he began to lose all bodily fluids, or so it seemed to a non medical professional. I thought he was dying at that moment. But, we called hospice. The lady arrived and she said, your father has months left to live. He's going to be okay tonight. We received a phone call from my younger brother the next day that indicated he would be arriving soon and we needed to leave, so we did. There was tension that was not present previously, when Mom was alive. We left. We took a plane back to Southern California, and my daughter went to school the next day. I went to a bagel shop to prepare for the day's requirements, then into work for a meeting. I was let go, in that Teams video meeting. I didn't know what to say, other than smile on the way out the door. I signed the Peace sign to the security guard, and left. I was polite. I was everything you're supposed to be when being fired, not confrontational, or anything else inappropriate, even though that's the word I heard when being dismissed.
I had been asked to do something in 2023 that was not right. I became educated on numerous things related to data privacy, and asked that we do things differently. I was stressed, going through grief from my mom dying, and doing everything I was supposed to do to help my daughter, as well as my family and team. I was the caregiver to Dad. I was keeping communication open with my brothers. But something wasn't right. We brought Dad from Florida to Southern California, and tried to help him decide where to locate. I suggested Tallahassee assisted living, or with us nearby. I put a lot of time into solutions for him, but to no avail, he was going to stay in the house in Tallahassee. In the meantime, I tried to get educated on privacy laws, and customer data laws, and keep trying to make things right.
I became certified on data privacy. I asked the team to do the same. I fought back on some key components. All the details in the middle are not going to be shared here. There is another place for that. What I can say is that I did everything in my power, before 2024, and since then, to amicably resolve, recommend and redirect negative into positive. I still see ways to fix, address, help, something that is not good, in fact it's really really bad.
We sold our house in September, 2024, around Labor Day. We went to Disney for the day, but something was very wrong. I just didn't know what was happening. I still don't know everything that happened, although I have tried everything I know how to do, and then some, to get us help, relief, and clarity, since that day. But something was happening to our family in ways I didn't see, or understand at that time.
On October 7, 2024, I felt very pregnant. This sensation had been building for a while. I had shared this news with a few individuals. I am post-menopausal, but at the time, I was still in menopause (without a period). I didn't have the hot flashes everyone talked about or any other symptoms other than being without period for a while. I thought it would be a miracle. I've experienced two known miracles twice in my life. I thought this could be similar. I felt incredible, nearly euphoric, naturally. I chose to get an ultrasound. I should have waited for my doctor's appointment that day, but chose to go to Hoag's ER. I told the ER attendants how I felt. A nurse practitioner was called in to do a psych eval, and she decided, unfortunately, that I was delusional, and many other very negative adjectives were applied to my name that day. What has happened since that day, has been completely life-altering for me, for my family, and the most upsetting, unfortunate time in my life.
It was bad enough to lose my job. I hope these two incidents are not related. God forbid anyone who does that to a woman, to a child, to children, to teens or teen women, to be timed in such a way to take advantage of a bad situation. But, on October 7, 2024, this person decided that I needed to be detained or 5150'd for 72-hour hold. The second facility mentioned a 14-day hold, all because I said, the only way I'd be pregnant is by miracle, and perhaps it's something amazing that is about to happen. I had been on a spiritual pilgrimage of sorts since losing my job. In fact, on the way home from Monster Energy, along the 91 to 261 to Jamboree, on April 29, 2024, I stopped into the Our Lady Queen of Angels Catholic Church. I was scared. I asked for prayer. I signed up for a Bible Study and a class or event on Tuesday nights "Stay Curious" about the holy spirit. I needed something. My dad was dying. My mom had died. I was losing the main source of income. I felt scared. i was doing everything I could to continue to provide for my family, and learn what I needed to learn as one walks through that time of life as a daughter, mom, sister and employee.
I had attended Torah studies in Miami, in November of 2024. But something else happened that was serious. I cannot describe those details for judicial legal reasons, but our lives since that 5150, and subsequent 5150, have caused such harm, that we have become financially devastated. What it made me realize is the effect that a healthcare professional can have on someone's life, along with social workers, that is so incredibly devastating, the question is will you survive it, can you survive it, and heaven forbid, if it's intentional to cause such harm that you don't in fact survive it.
But that last sentence means that the person or individuals involved are in fact committing multiple crimes. I'm trying to survive them, as is my family.
I'm trying to fight back. I may not do everything I'm supposed to do, as expected, but t he reality is that when your parents die, or when something happens in your family AND you lose your FT job, you are not far off from something like what has happened to us, to me, to our family.
What we need to do differently is work TOGETHER to agree to help each other thrive despite a series of disagreements, and upsetting situations.
I ask the same of anyone who has been involved. Don't look for ways to harm, prevent, block a mom, a child, a teenager's ability to thrive. Help, do not hinder. Contribute to a feasibility study, at the rate of $595 or $895. What I've learned in the past 18 months, is that moms need to be paid minimum wage, especially when raising their children, as well as when going through a crisis. If you're earning a salary from another job, then you don't need to double dip, but if you're without a job by no fault of your own subjective to someone'e else's rules or opinions* consider, could your family be better off, if the stay at home mom, or a stay at home caregiver (mom for parents, etc) be available to the family, and earn minimum wage. What about overtime?
Different from social security, I think we need to conduct a feasibility study. I have travelled across this country, several times. I have seen so much. I have seen implications of my IVF and other phenomenon that are not explained. I know my family needs more from me. I need to be paid for it. without social security, although I'm going to try to qualify for that early, as in right now, at the age of 58.
If you see someone in need, regardless of age, try not to judge him, or her or them. Try to offer something.
I'll write about what I've seen is needed, what type of products and services are missing, and fill the gaps in what's needed. But, in the meantime, our family is still in crisis mode, and for that, I ask, I request, I am listing a prayer for relief. If you're reading this, help. in some way.
Prayer for Relief:
Gas cards ($50 for each child involved, each parent involved)
Hotels that are safe, security monitored
Oil changes, tire rotation and service once a quarter or more at the local dealership
Income in methods that do not require delivery services where gas is used up in exchange for earning. Opportunity for delivery services and apps to improve costs to earnings ratios, less mileage, more earnings, and major gas discounts.
Verizon phone bill payment (for us $1301 is needed; then $250 a month
Car insurance, and tolls (allowance needed $500 per month)
AAA membership - deluxe membership (about $29-$92) for unlimited mileage
Car rentals as needed ($500 a month) if needed for a journey to remedy a difficult situation
Car camping made glamping - products and solutions similar to boating, RVs, and van camping
More assistance for highway travelling
health insurance if outside California - about $500 per month per individual as needed
Income - digital work, including but not limited to ecommerce services, ChatGPT, and other AI projects; crochet and items where you can show value in safe ways and earn proper income
Ensuring modern slavery or any kind of slavery is not in place due to AI, IOT or anything else happening. You know who you are. Don't take advantage of a person, due to bias, discrimination, hatred, or anything else. Don't force someone to work for free.
Libraries are super helpful in various towns, find where they're at
Calling or checking out 211 wherever you travel, wherever you live for resources
Become less of a referral service, and more of a direct benefit service. For example, stop referring people to get help, instead, give that person a $50 gas card, or a grocery card for $50, or both.
Drive across this country. See what's happening.
New shoes and socks.
Portable laundry services.
Showers in churches, and community centers, for a $1 fee or something that is safe, secure and yet very affordable. One truck stop was charging $17 or $14 for a shower.
Wipes, access to vacuums, and healthy food.
Day bags that have healthy fruit choices, that items are not expired.
Refillable water solutions with clean, filtered water.
Prayer resources.
And if you are healthcare professional, learn what else you could do before you suggest someone gets 5150'd. You better stick around for the harm that comes to that person and their family after a 5150 for the rest of their lives. You have no idea what you could be putting into motion. Discourage medicine. There are other ways to help a person who is thinking she's experiencing a major miracle. Don't assume she's wrong either. What if I was about to experience something miraculous and you stopped it.? Seriously. What if?
So, for now, help those who are displaced. use that word over another.
We all need help at some point in time.
If you are my family, if you know of someone who needs help in my family, provide it, without judgment, without any expectation. Help her. Please. Now.
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